Episode 52: People Pleasing

Show Notes

People pleasing aims to manipulate the opinions of others in your favor. It is a habit we learn early on in order to be accepted and liked by the group. Constant people pleasing and being overly agreeable does not serve us. It is rooted in fear and it leaves us depleted because all we’re doing is mask our own needs in order to accommodate the needs of others, sometimes our perceived needs of others.

Here are some traits of a people pleaser:

  • Undermine your own needs
  • Go with the flow that’s dictated by others
  • You’re too agreeable in general
  • Do not assert yourself
  • Value praise from others over your own
  • Feel valuable when complying with others

People pleasing doesn’t always have to be negative. Doing something kind for others is a beautiful experience for both, the giver and receiver of the kindness. For the naturally big-hearted person, performing acts of kindness can be very rewarding. We run into trouble when we extend kindness while expecting approval and validation in return– as opposed to recognizing and accepting ourselves. Also, we do this while ignoring, or not really knowing or stopping to think about what we really want.

People-pleasers tend to think of what others are thinking or will think of us if we do what we think they want us to do. It is important, therefore, to remind ourselves that it can be very uncomfortable and frustrating for the other person. But, beyond that, it’s time to think about ourselves. We must practice the habit of listening to what we really want and honoring that. 

How can we validate ourselves? What does it look like? What would it feel like to value our own opinion more than the opinions of others?

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Connect with the hosts:

Madel Mazzella:
Instagram: ⁠@madelmazzella
TikTok: ⁠@madelmazzella⁠
Website: madelmazzella.com

Kaitlyn Rapai:
Instagram: @the_teacher_burnout_coach
TikTok: ⁠@kaitlyn_rapai_coaching⁠

Original Music by: Matthew Dotson

Cover Art by: Nate Rapai

[Disclaimer: Any views or opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the hosts and guests and do not necessarily represent the views or opinions of any educational institutions or organizations. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. The hosts are not licensed therapists and their opinion does not substitute the advice of a physician or other qualified professional]